A WOMAN’S WORLD

Keeping in Touch with an Ex

If true friendship is meant to stand the test of time, then genuine romantic affairs should also endure the best of time. That has always been my subconscious principle. I say subconscious because as I grow in age and get to understand the complexities of our world more, I’ve come to discover most times that this belief which has been natural with me, hardly fits in. Are you yet to catch my drift? Now, this is it: Why can’t I keep in touch with my ex-boyfriend simply because we’re now both married separately or engaged with different partners?
Some of my friends – surely not all, because a few still do what I do – believe I still hold onto my style or principle because I’m yet to quit spinsterhood. But ho, come on, I’m quitting spinsterhood soonest and my heartthrob tolerates me. Besides what about the married women who do it? Others of my friends say it depends on the man. Of course, this could be true, but when the couple really understands each other, I sincerely don’t see the need for rules and regulations!
I hope you’re not getting me wrong. I don’t mean re-igniting an old flame; neither do I mean seeing all my ex-s, or even keeping in regular touch with a few. I mean just having the phone number or e-mail address of one or two very genuine and concerned ones for a chat once in many moons. With the husband or guy there for her, what does a woman need an ex- for? you may ask, insisting that as they are now separated, it ought to be each to his/her separate spouse. But to be honest, life is clearly not that regimented. Besides, if a woman keeps in touch with an old female friend, what does the woman need such an old female friend for? There are times a woman needs a whiff of note-comparison with an ex- and perhaps draw wisdom or corrections from such. Some of you may sneer: Wisdom? Corrections? But if it’s acceptable that a woman can draw such wisdom and corrections from an old female friend, why not an old male friend?
And of course, the man keeping in touch with his ex- is acceptable, especially in the African context where he can bring in a second wife, even a third or fourth! But those who are of the view that it solely depends on the man to determine his wife or girlfriend keeping in touch with her ex- are half on target. The man may notice this habit in his woman and discourage it, with the old sermon of it being seen as infidelity, or that line about an old firewood being easy to ignite. But what if the woman considers it her natural inclination, or even considers it beneficial without any infidelity sling attached? The man can’t be with the woman 24/7. She can still maintain a secret contact, which the man may never know of. Ho, come on, the man can’t be the sole determinant. The woman is!
Honestly, I’m of the peculiar type, or perhaps many of my friends see me as such. A couple of my ex-s are very much abreast with my life. They are in touch with my family: parents and siblings. And when the need arises, we still exchange the attendance of family ceremonies like marriages. I don’t see how things like that can change. To me, it goes to show genuine love and best wishes. That’s how relationships should go!
For sisters who consider us that keep in touch with our ex- as breaking our marital vows, disrespectful of the marriage institution, unfaithful, unAfrican or whatever, it’s your view. But if you’re like me who find it exciting and fulfilling, don’t feel lonely. You have a good company in me, provided we’re strong enough to know our keeping in touch is for what it really is: the benefits of note-comparing, sharing of experiences and best wishes. But with no ulterior motive!